Summary “Frankie,” Gerard brought his hand over to rest on my leg, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I know the shit I did wasn’t right, but I was desperate. You weren’t supposed to know how I got the all money, but what’s done is done. I didn’t tell you about all this shit because I knew you would only try to talk me out of it. It’s all over and done with, and I’m going to get you out of here, okay?”
Disclaimer Not real, kiddies.
Runaway :: Part 4
Gerard and I had been driving for hours on end it seemed. And it was to my great surprise when I left my house to join him in his car, he wasn’t waiting in his car at all. He had stolen his mother’s minivan, took the back seats out, and left them dumped in the front yawn of his former home. Among a few packed bags in the back, Gerard had a makeshift bed set up out of a bunch of blankets and pillows. He was quick to assure me that his mother wouldn’t give a damn. She would know it was him that took it, and if it meant getting rid of him, she wouldn’t care if he took the van to make himself scarce.
Though we had been on the road for hours there hadn’t been much talking between us at all, just the blasting of the car stereo. Hell, I hadn’t even asked Gerard what his plan was for us now that we were on the move. I jumped into all this pretty much blindly, but if I trusted anyone in this world it was my best friend. My eyes peered to the digital clock on the dashboard, and its blue numbers glowed 2:04 back at me. I probably should have been tired at such a late hour, but I felt so wide awake. It was adrenaline or something, the fear and excitement of what Gerard and I were doing. We just took control of our lives, our fucking destiny, and we were going to make it somehow.
Gerard was soon pulling off the highway into a rest stop area, and for some reason unknown to me he parked the van pretty far from the building under a burnt out light post when there were plenty of parking spaces close by. The lot was pretty empty at this hour.
“Well..” Gerard undid his seatbelt as he pulled the key from the ignition, “..I gotta pee.”
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and chuckle as we both exited the van. “Thanks for the newsflash.”
“Just thought I’d keep you posted.” He grinned at me as I walked around the van to his side. “Sooo...... RACE!” He tore off running toward the building even before he screamed the word.
I stood dumbfounded for a split second then took off after him, glaring at his back as we both ran, trying to be mindful too to keep an eye on the few cars that were around. Getting hit by a car on my first night of freedom was not on my to-do list. “Not fair! You cheated! And if anyone should be cheating it should be me! My legs are shorter!” I willed my legs to move faster but I couldn’t close the gap.
“Not my problem, Shrimp!” Gerard yelled over his shoulder and quickly approached the entrance of the building. He didn’t try to slow at all, but simply let himself slam into one of the glass doors with a grunt. “VICTORIOUS!”
”CHEATER!” I yelled as I came up behind him. I didn’t try to slow down either and let my body smash into Gerard’s back, squishing him further against the door. I could tell from the gasp he had let out that I had knocked the wind out of him. I took a couple steps back away from him, laughing a bit as I tried to catch my breath.
“You evil little midget.” He turned to face me, panting and with a playful glare on his face.
“That’s me,” I flashed him a proud grin.
We definitely drew attention to ourselves from the few other travelers that were littered throughout the building as we entered, arguing loudly over the cheating that Gerard most certainly did despite his ridiculous claims otherwise. After a quick visit to the bathroom we decided to get something to eat, and opted for some food from the little 24 hour McDonald’s that was inside the rest stop building. Gerard carried our tray of cheeseburgers, french fries, and sodas to a small booth where nobody else was around. I quickly dug in to my food. I hadn’t eaten dinner that night, and it was only until I had the food set down in front of me did I realize just how hungry I was.
I gazed at Gerard across the table from me as we both ate. I was happy I was here with him. Not so much specifically happy at us being at a McDonald’s rest stop, but out on our own in the big wide world. I was always scared when I would think about the future. The uncertainty of what it could hold could lead you into a panic-stricken state if you let your mind wander too far into fearful ‘what if’s. I had always been scared that I would amount to nothing, that I would end up alone, that I’d never escape the shit hole I had to call home. But Gerard had done something for me, and it wasn’t just breaking me out. He gave me a new sense of hope, and right now I felt no reason to worry about the future. Even faced with the fact that as of the moment we were just two young men with nothing to our names but a stolen van and the shit stuffed inside, I wasn’t worried.
The future wasn’t something to be feared anymore. It was something to look forward to. Gerard and I had each other, and I found myself thinking that I hoped it would always be this way: us together. We’ve always looked out for each other and he saved us both today, just like he planned. Gerard was someone who I looked up to, laughed with, loved, and cared about. He was an amazing person, an amazing friend, and I just always wanted to be by his side. I wanted us to stay close. We’ve said before that we needed each other, and I don’t think that need will ever subside. I really believe he felt that same way. He had proven so many times through so many selfless acts how much he cared about me. He was amazing, and made the future something beautiful to me. He was my future.
“What?” Gerard cocked a brow at me and spoke through a mouthful of half chewed fries, breaking me from my thoughts. “Do I have a booger hanging out of my nose or something?”
“What? Oh, no..” He had caught me starting at him, and I hadn’t even realized that I had been doing it. I had gotten lost, lost in his eyes and thoughts of him. That can’t be abnormal. I mean, best friends think about each other. But do they normally think of each other as their future as I just had? I wasn’t even exactly sure myself what my meaning and my feelings were behind that thought. I just knew that I needed Gerard in my life.
“So where are we headed?” I asked, sipping the last of my soda. We had pretty much finished eating, and I had neglected to ask him this for hours. I was curious to know what plans Gerard had for us.
“Well..” he looked down at his crumpled up hamburger wrapper for a moment before lifting his eyes back up to meet with mine again. “Honestly, I don’t have a destination in mind. I was thinking, wouldn’t it be great to just let the wind carry us where ever it will? We could travel the country. Go where ever we want to. We’re free now, right? Why find somewhere to settle right away?” He was speaking with conviction and only stopped for a second to reach his hand across the table to hold mine gently. I was a little surprised by the gesture, but I let him hold it and listened intently as he continued.
“Now don’t think that I took you away from a perfectly good bed and roof over your head to basically live in a van with me for years on end. I just don’t think we should find a place to settle right away. I mean it’s like we only just broke out of a dark dank cell, and we can be anywhere now, seeing and experiencing things. Even if it’s something so little like just driving through a state, we can at least say we’ve been there. We can say we’ve done things. And it doesn’t matter if the things we do are big and extraordinary or things people would pass off as a big waste of time. It doesn’t matter because no matter what it is, it will have been special. Special to you and me because we’ve done it together. I don’t just want to drag you along, and if you don’t want to do this, it’s okay. We’ll find somewhere to live, anywhere you want, Frankie. I just thought.. I mean.. It’s you and me ‘til the end, and I want to show you the world. We could have a real adventure.”
Gerard’s grip on my hand tightened as he spoke to me, and I could see a little worried glint in his eyes. He was nervous I wouldn’t want to go along with this. But God, after all that he had just said, all that he had done, you’d think he’d be confident enough not to worry. I don’t know why, but I just felt so blown away. He wanted to see the country with me, share experiences, show me it all.
‘It’s you and me ‘til the end, and I want to show you the world.’ My heart seemed to beat faster after these words left his mouth, and I returned the tight grip to his hand. We would be best friends always by each other’s sides. This is what I wanted, and what he wanted too. I could have cared less at this point if we really did end up just living in that van for the rest of our lives. We were going to be okay, because we were going to be making it through this world together. Gerard wanted to be with me until the end. He said it. He wanted it. And with this knowledge a surge of excitement seemed to rush through me out of nowhere. Did he want to be with me forever as something more?
The future I imagined with him earlier changed in my mind’s eye, a future where we were so much more than friends. This thought might have scared me, but honestly, I’ve had it before in the past. The thought would pop up for a second that maybe our close friendship was leading to something even more special between us, something romantic. But as quickly as the thought would come, it would disappear. I never wanted things ruined between Gerard and I because we took things too far, but now that he had basically just told me that he wanted us to be together forever I couldn’t hold back this massive wave of dammed up feelings anymore. These feelings that I think for so long I had fooled myself into believing that they weren’t as strong as they really were.
Maybe I was interpreting things wrong. Maybe Gerard did only want our relationship to continue as just a close friendship. I couldn’t shake my sudden longing for more though, and I hoped with every part of my being that he was feeling the same way. I wasn’t about to just spring this all on him on the chance I was all wrong. I didn’t want to be rash and do something that could potentially make things awkward between us. There was no way I was going to keep this bottled up though. I just needed to wait for the right time to tell him or to somehow figure out if he felt the same.
I had just been staring again, and hell if I knew for how long. Gerard was biting down on his lower lip worriedly, and a reassuring smile sprung to my face. “I think an adventure together sounds pretty amazing.”
“Yeah?” The grin that spread across Gerard’s face made me smile wider. It was me that had made it appear on his face, me that made him happy. How could I not be happy and smile too? “I knew deep down that you’d love the idea. You’ll see, Frankie, it’ll be incredible. You only live once, and life is short. So I mean, it only makes sense to me that we use our time to experience all we can to grow and be happy, you know?”
“Yeah, it makes perfect sense. You know, I think I really like it when you’re all philosophical.” I couldn’t help but chuckle as I said it.
“Yeah,” his smile turned to a cocky one, “I’m pretty much the shit, huh?”
“As much as I think I’ll regret boosting your already overblown ego.. I’ll agree to that.” I was silent for a moment and smiled to him softly, “...Thank you, Gerard.”
“Just..” I shrugged my shoulders, searching for the right words, “Everything. Being there.. Getting me out into the world and letting me be apart of this adventure.”
“You don’t have to thank me for anything, Frankie. You’ve always been there for me too, and like I said there was no way I could ever leave without you.” He sent a soft smile back at me and gave my hand that he still clasped a squeeze. “Come on, I know we just ate and everything, but I figure we should try to get some sleep while it’s still dark out.”
He let go of my hand to get up and throw his trash away, and instantly my own hand felt cold and empty. I had gotten so used to the feeling. I got out of the booth after him and threw out my trash as well before following his wordlessly back to the van. It made sense now why Gerard had parked so far away and pretty much in the dark. It would be a lot easier to fall asleep without cars and people constantly moving past us and without a post light glowing brightly right near by.
Gerard unlocked the side sliding door and let me climb inside first. Enough light shone from the far way lights for us to see fairly good in the dim darkness inside of the van. Our bags were pushed up out of the way right behind the front seats and the pillows set up against the trunk door. I was surprise at how soft and cushioned the floor felt as I crawled over the blankets. I must have had a sort of surprised look on my face or something, because Gerard seemed to know what I was thinking when he climbed in after me, shutting and locking the door.
“I laid out a few mattress pillows so we wouldn’t have to suffer on the uncomfortable-ness that is van floor.” He grinned kind of proudly as he walked around in a crouched down position to push open all four back tinted windows a crack. “Feel free to praise me for my genius. It’s actually quite comfortable.”
He sat down next to me on my right and proceeded to take off his shoes and pants, leaving himself in just his t-shirt and boxers, and I followed suit, stowing the clothing out of the way beside my backpack. I settled back next to him, resting my head down on one of the pillows as I curled up on my side facing away from him. Gerard pulled a blanket up around us, and I felt him shift around a bit as he sought to get comfortable until finally his let out a little content sigh.
“Goodnight,” Gerard said softly.
“..Sleep tight. Don’t let the bed.. er van bugs bite. And if they do, just take your shoe and.. and smash ‘em into goo or however it goes.”
I laughed softly as his little version of the bedtime saying. Really, Gerard was a nut, and I hoped he’d never change. It went silent after that, only the occasional sounds of cars in the distance could be heard. There was no way that I could sleep though. My mind was racing a mile a minute. All I could think about was Gerard and I.. and wonder. We were lying so close to each other right now, and he wasn’t saying or doing anything. Wouldn’t he at least try to talk to me if he wanted things to go further with us as we started our lives over together? But of course, that was something that I think I wanted and I wasn’t doing anything. I didn’t want to be all sudden about this, but something was driving me to do something. Anything.
I turned around under the covers so that I was facing Gerard now and came to find him lying on his side facing me. His face looked lax and his eyes were closed, but I didn’t know if he was really asleep or not. Giving myself a little mental push, I called his name out softly.
“Hmm..?” His eyes were open now and questioningly bore into my own.
Why did I call his name again? What the hell was I doing? I didn’t want to be making a huge mistake here, and I didn’t know how to go about this without that possibility being ever present. I could make things so weird between us, so awkward. I could ruin everything if I had been reading him wrong earlier. I really could ruin everything if I freaked him out enough. But maybe there was no safe way to bring up changing things between us. This was about taking a risk, and I was going to do it. I was going to.. as soon as I could figure out what to say.
“Um.. I just can’t sleep. I’m too excited, you know?”
“Me too,” he grinned. “It’s gonna be awesome, Frankie. We really should try to get some sleep though.” He closed his eyes.
No no, I was not going to let him go to sleep. That only meant that I was going to have to suffer through another mental battle some other time to work up the nerve to talk to him about this again. I’ve had enough mental battles to last a lifetime about my father, and I was not going to have to go through another one again when I already made up my mind.
“I liked it when we held hands at the booth.” The words fell from my mouth before I even really knew what I was saying, and Gerard’s eyelids seemed to snap back up almost comically fast. He just stared at me, and I couldn’t really read the look in his eyes. What if he was totally shocked and freaked out or something? Fuck. Why the hell did I just blurt that out?
“Well, I thought it was nice too,” he said at last, ending with one small soft chuckle, “Did you want to hold hands again now or something?” He asked it kind of skeptically. I knew Gerard wouldn’t feel it was gross to do anything like that, but we’ve never been romantic with each other. Sexually joke around, sure. His occasional peck on the cheek, yeah. But nothing ever meaningful. We’d never held hands like that before. I guess he was just trying to figure out why I would suddenly say something like that out of the blue.
“Yeah.” Again I spoke before really thinking.
“Well, alright then..” Gerard brought his hand out from where it rested just under the blanket and searched out my own with it. He clasped his fingers around mine gently and showed me a soft smile. “Are you nervous about my plan, Frankie?” Is that why he thought I wanted my hand held, because I was nervous?
“No, I told you I’m excited. I just...”
“I just wanted to feel you.”
I didn’t know what had happened to me in the passed five minutes to just speak how I felt without thinking. I was so fucking scared that I was going to make things so fucking awkward, but there was some confidence in me now too. Maybe it was because I was holding his hand.
Gerard looked a little taken aback, and I half expected him to recoil his hand away but he still held on. He took a deep breath. It was like he was having a mental battle of his own, trying to get the words out that wouldn’t come. “Do.. do you wanna feel more?”
I think my heart skipped a beat hearing that question, and I found myself giving him a little nod. “Yes,” I whispered.
He shifted closer to me so that out bodies almost touched as we lay facing each other. Keeping a gentle hold on my hand, I watched as Gerard leaned forward, and I couldn’t help but close my eyes as I felt his lips press against mine. I swear he fucking paralyzed me. I couldn’t move, but my insides were a mess. My stomach just flipped and tied itself in a knot and set itself on fire. But as bad as that sounded; it wasn’t bad at all. It felt like.. like that was how I was supposed to be feeling.. how Gerard was supposed to be making me feel.
He kissed me a little harder, and finally I broke out of the shock enough to move, instinctively pressing my lips back to his. I vaguely even realized that Gerard had let go of my hand, but I felt as his hand snaked over my waist and rested at the small of my back. He pulled me closer so that our chests were now flush, and I wrapped my own arm around him, matching the tight hold he had on me. I could barely express how right it felt to be in each other’s arms like that. We’ve hugged a lot before, but this was different. We were kissing and embracing, and it was perfect.
I soon felt the tip of Gerard’s tongue slide out and trace over my lips before softly teasing my mouth open. He rolled onto his back then, and seemed to expertly take me with him to lie on top of him without breaking our kiss. Gripping onto my back he slid his tongue into my mouth, slowly rolling it over my own, causing us both to release soft muffled moans into each other’s mouths. I was completely lost in the moment, completely lost in the kiss, completely lost in the taste of Gerard in my mouth. My hands found their way to the sides of his face, and I just gently held them there as we kissed with what could be nothing else but passion. I didn’t want it to ever end, but had to pull away to catch my breath. If only I didn’t have to breathe.
We were both panting slightly, just looking into each other’s faces for I don’t know how long. Time seemed to have come to a stop. Part of me couldn’t believe it. Gerard and I had kissed, really kissed. It felt like something crazy to comprehend, but at the same time it felt like it was so perfect between us. I could feel Gerard’s heart thudding in his chest as I lay still on top of him. And maybe I was just imagining things, but it felt like our hearts were beating in time.
“What are we doing?” Gerard whispered.
“I don’t know..”
“Isn’t it exciting, though, when you don’t have a fucking clue? You just let yourself go.”
“Yeah,” I smiled softly, “it is.”
“So you liked it then? Wait, what am I saying?” That signature smirk of his made itself present on his face. “Of course you did. You were moaning like a little whore.”
“What?” My eyebrows shot up, and I gave his shoulder a rough smack. “Shut up. I was not. You weren’t too quiet yourself there, buddy.” I was kind of happy for this fake fight teasing exchange. We were joking around like normal. Talking like normal. Acting like normal. We hadn’t made things weird like I was afraid would happen. We were just being us like usual only we were something more now, I could feel it.
“Oh, I have no problem admitting I’m a whore for you, Frankie.” He wiggled his brows playfully at me before his expression turned to a soft smile. “You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to kiss you like that.”
“Yeah. I was just afraid I’d freak you out or something, you know? You know I love you; you’re my best friend. But I’ve come to really.. you know, like you too.”
“I like you too, Gerard. I love you.”
I don’t think that I’d ever felt my heart leap so much in my life than it had this night. Gerard felt the same and had just thrown it all out there. There was no reason for me to be afraid at all to say it back. We were definitely something more now. I’m sure it went without saying, but I just had this need for some reason to make it ‘official’.
“So.. um.. we’re boyfriends now?” I said that a little quieter than I meant to. Maybe I should have left it unsaid. I felt a little ridiculous saying it, like I was some kind of little bubbly teenaged girl all hopeful for a first relationship.
“Do you want to be my boyfriend, Frankie?” That stupid fuck I just happened to be in love with was just smirking up at me and making me feel even more stupid.
“Good. ‘Cause that’s what I want too.” He grinned and leaned up to peck his lips to mine, rolling me off him gently so we laid side by side again and held hands. “You have no idea how happy I am that this all came up. I was going to fucking explode. ..Sooo it was a good thing you wanted to feel me, Frankie.” He teased.
“Shut up,” I laughed.
“What? You said it yourself, and it’s not like I can blame you. I am that damn irresistible.” He was smiling at me cockily, but then looked away like he was contemplating something. “Do you wanna feel more of me?”
“Well, yeah..” I smiled. Like I was going to pass up kissing him like that again. But Gerard didn’t lean in close to kiss me like I was expecting. In fact, he let go of my hand and turned away to lie on his back. He flung the blanket off us in a quick motion and arched himself off our makeshift bed beginning to push his boxers down.
“Whoa whoa whoa whoa, what are you doing?” My hand darted out in my shock, grabbing around his wrist to stop him.
“What?” I thought you wanted to, you know.. do a little more? I’m not going to force you to do anything, but don’t you want to?”
The look Gerard was giving me could only be described as sexy as all fucking hell. We were both a couple of teenage boys raging with hormones, right? That sort of raging was obviously going on in Gerard and beginning to bubble up in me. We both had suppressed our feelings for each other and those pent up emotions and desires were at a sort of explosive point, I think. I couldn’t deny that I wanted to ‘do a little more’ as Gerard had put it. But I also couldn’t deny that I was nervous. I had never done anything really intimate with a guy before, but the drive to share even more closeness with Gerard was something that could not be squashed away by nerves.
“I do want to.”
A smile spread over Gerard face and he sat up, pulling his shirt off over his head. He tossed it away and gave me a questioning look as he moved to lay down back in the same position as before to push down his boxer shorts. I gave him a small nod, and he grinned, pushing the fabric down that covered him and wiggled and kicked them the rest of the way off his legs. Gerard was lying there fully exposed in front of me, and yet I was the one blushing. My eyes roamed over his body rather shyly, and I could only tear my gaze away back up to meet his eyes when he spoke.
“Since you just keep staring like that, I’m just gonna assume you like what you see,” Gerard smirked. He had always been so utterly comfortable with himself, even now completely naked in front of me. He was always just himself, and didn’t care what anyone thought. I really respected that about him, and sort of envied it too. “Your turn.” He reached over and tugged at the hem of my shirt. I pulled the shirt off kind of obediently I guess, but when it came to taking off my boxers, I hesitated a moment. I didn’t think I was ugly or anything, but even with Gerard being my boyfriend now, there was still this little part of me that thought it was so weird that the both of us were doing this together. And well, not to mention that we were in the back of a van in some parking lot. I’d fucking die if somebody saw us. Gerard looked anything but worried at the moment though, and I just tried to draw in the confidence he exuded, and with a deep breath I worked my own boxers off.
“You’re really pretty.” Gerard leaned up and let one of his hands travel down my torso, making me shiver.
“Boys aren’t pretty, Gerard.”
“Well, you are..”
He shifted ever closer and maneuvered me gently to straddle over him. And whatever weird feelings I had about this left me completely when I leant down and crashed our lips together. The feel of Gerard's lips, of his arms around me.. it took me to a perfect place. It couldn’t get any better than this, or so I thought until Gerard began rolling his hips up against my own creating a very pleasurable friction. I couldn’t help but move with him, couldn’t help the noises leaving my mouth and getting muffled in Gerard’s. I loved Gerard and trusted him, so there was no reason to hold back, to be scared. No reason for me to not let myself go and take pleasure in this new closeness with the man I loved. The man that was saving me and who was going to show me the world and what it was like to really live.
He pushed me back lightly, and really too abruptly for my liking, but Gerard seemed to have other plans in mind
“Well, that was nice, hmm?” he smiled widely, but had this sort of dark look in his eyes. “You use that mouth pretty well, Frankie. I’d sure love to feel what it could do elsewhere..”
“Um.. you want me to uh…” I felt too embarrassed to voice my guess of a blowjob, so instead I just nodded down to between his legs.
I found myself nodding and scooting down along his legs before I could even really think about it. My heart was pounding in my chest as I moved into position on my hands and knees before him. I wanted to do this, but at the same time it was insanely awkward. The thought of putting that in my mouth bizarrely turned me on and grossed me out at the same. I gazed up to Gerard and he gave me an encouraging smile. I sent him a smile back, but I’m sure it probably looked more like a grimace.
Swallowing down roughly, I let one of my hands tentatively grasp his arousal as I ducked my head down lower to take him in my mouth. I couldn’t actually bring myself to do it though. My parted mouth just hovered barely an inch away from the tip, and I know that I must have been teasing him like crazy. But so help me, as much as I wanted to make Gerard feel good, there was no way that I could force myself to move any further.
I sat back up on my knees abruptly, the same time letting my hand fall away from him. “Fuck, I can’t do this.. It’s too gross.”
“Are you saying there’s something wrong with my dick?” Gerard’s arms crossed over his chest in mock indignancy in his ever so habitual way. “I’ll have you know it’s like the—”
“..Yeah, quintessence of perfection or whatever,” I muttered, cutting him off. I quickly scrambled off him, sitting back down beside him and pulling the blanket up to cover myself. I couldn’t even begin to explain how stupid and embarrassed I felt. I was Gerard’s boyfriend now; I should be able to do things like that for him. I felt like I just ruined it. Why would he even want to bother being together now with me just saying I found this way of being intimate gross? “Sorry..” I made it a point to avoid eye contact with him, “just.. you know I’ve never done this before, and I.. It’s not really gross, I just.. I.. ...God..” I held my face in my hands as I felt the heat of a blush creep over it, embarrassment ever rushing forth as I tried to explain myself.
“You really are adorable, you know that, Frankie?” I took the chance to look at him, a little surprised by his remark. I thought he’d be mad, but he was now sitting there looking to me with a soft understanding smile. “Perhaps I’m too much of a fast mover for my own good. Or you know, sometimes I can be a greedy little son of a bitch.” He brought his hand up to the side of my face and gently rubbed the pad of his thumb over my cheek and grinned. “No worries at all, my love.”
I instantly felt better. Gerard understood my apprehension about just jumping into an uncharted experience, and the pet name alone he used on me was enough to make me smile.
“We can just kiss more if you’d like, or just go to sleep. Whatever you want, Frankie.” Gerard shifted closer and kissed me lightly at my temple. “..Or know you.. maybe you’d be more comfortable being the one feeling my mouth elsewhere?” He winked and looked at me questioningly.
I wasn’t really sure what I wanted at the moment, yet at the same time I knew exactly what I wanted. My feelings were making very little to no sense. Already things were getting so confusing, and I suppose I could chalk that up to my new wave of apprehension colliding with every other part of me wanting to tell Gerard yes and wanting to be with him in every way possible.
Depending on how it’s interpreted, I ignored giving him an answer or I gave him one in the form of the simple kiss I had pressed to his lips. My intentions weren’t very clear even to myself, whether I wanted it to lead to more or not. But regardless of intensions.. as Gerard wrapped me up in his arms and our kiss deepened I became lost to everything around me. It indeed led to more.
Not much was said between us, but soft spoken moans of each other’s names. Hands and soon mouths were exploring each other bodies. Warm. Sweaty. Awkward. Embarrassed. Scared. Intruding fingers. Loving kissing. Tense. Nervous. Wincing. Gasping. Assured. Loved.
Like a race moving in slow-motion, murmured whispers of ‘I love you’ peppered throughout the clash of lips and tongues and hips. Our bodies moving together to meet that shared want.. that shared need of closeness, bringing on to each other pleasurable waves that wash through the body like a tsunami. It was awkward, painful, intense, and amazing all wrapped into one. ..It was perfect.
How happy I was to let myself get completely lost in Gerard, so wrapped up in the special moment we just shared. And even now the happiness and contentment seemed to grow as we lay together, a tangle of limbs and blankets panting to catch our breaths. Holding each other, we held a loving gaze between us, and Gerard slowly shift to close the small gap between us, pressing light kisses over every inch of my face.
“That was amazing, Frankie... You’re amazing..” More kisses still before Gerard pulled away some, grinning. “Love you.”
“I love you too.” The smile I sent back to him was beaming. I had been having these burst of happiness periodically rushing through me ever since I ran away with Gerard from my father’s. For the first time in my life now, the happiness felt positively overwhelming.
“You know what? We totally need to get one of those bumper stickers. You know, one of those ‘Don’t Come A’Knockin’ If This Van’s A’Rockin’’.” Gerard laughed hard as he cuddled closer to me, thoroughly amused with himself as he always tended to be. Just like how he always managed retarded little comments like this to throw off somewhat serious peaceful moments. But that was just another thing to love about him.
“You’re such a doofus,” I chuckled softly, holding him back just as tight as he held me.
“But you love it.”
Another kiss came sweet, gentle, and loving, lasting for several moments before we resumed our tender cuddling moment. Gerard fixed the blanket around us a bit and settled his arm back around me, sighing contently.
“Isn’t this great?” I could hear the smile in Gerard voice as I lay ever content in his arms. “I mean, we’re starting this big adventure together and we’re starting it as something more.”
I couldn’t have forced the smile off my face even if I tried. This was a new beginning, and a start to a fucking happy one, I knew it. Gerard and I may not have known where we were heading in the morning, let alone where we would be a few years from now, but there was one thing that we could always be sure of. Where ever life took us we would be right by each other’s side.